SKJAM! (skjam) wrote in playthedamncard,
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Yu-Gi-Oh! Manga Synoptic Theater #1

I posted a link to this series in my own LJ some time back, but I think it's time to bring it to a wider audience. Please note that I started this back in February 2004, long before I was aware of Little Kuriboh's Abridged Series.

Duel One: The Puzzle of the Gods



Narrator: They played games in Egypt five thousand years ago. Shadow Games. Spooky, huh?

(classroom)

Random Student: Let's play basketball! Girls are invited! Oh, and Yugi!

Yugi: I'd rather play with my puzzle! It's my precious!

Honda: Y'know, talking to yourself is a sign of insanity. Maybe I should toss this into the Crack of Doom.

Jonouchi: Only girls care about material possessions. Real men prefer violence.

Yugi: I don't!

Jonouchi: Case in point. (Looks inside the box.) What, no eye-melting demons? Boh-ring.

Anzu: Give the box back, boys.

Honda & Jonouchi: Curses, foiled again! (They leave.)

Anzu: Never play basketball in a skirt.

Yugi: Wait a minute, maybe I am a boy.

Anzu: What is that box, anyhow?

Yugi: A puzzle from Egypt, and a memento of my grandfather. I've been working on it for eight years.

Anzu: So, your grandfather's dead? I'm sure you'll solve it eventually.

(hallway)

Jonouchi: I'm so thick I don't even know a bully when I see one in the mirror.

Ushio: Are you sure about that?

Honda: It's the world's scariest hall monitor!

Ushio: And don't you forget it. (leaves)

Jonouchi: Now that someone who can actually beat me up is gone, I'll work out my frustrations by throwing Yugi's puzzle piece in the school pool. (Does so.) Liking puzzles is gay! And I don't mean in the positive homosexual sense.

(school entrance)

Ushio: Are you being bullied, Yugi?

Yugi: No.

Ushio: Yeah, right. I'll be your bodyguard, and you can be my new best friend. And source of extortion money.

(Kame game store)

Anzu: I thought I'd come over and comfort you after the death of your grandfather, Yugi.

Sugoroku: I'm not dead yet. As evidenced by my interest in your bust measurement.

Anzu: Keep it up and you will be, you old perv.

Sugoroku: By the way, everyone who's ever come into contact with the Millenium Puzzle has died mysteriously.

Anzu: Are you sure you want to do this, Yugi?

Yugi: Grandfather's not dead yet. Besides, I want to gain "the powers and knowledge of darkness."

(much later)

Yugi: But not tonight, I guess.

(next day, classroom)

Ushio: Hey, Yugi, come with me behind the school. I want to show you something.

Yugi: Uhh, you know I'm straight, right?

Ushio: Could have fooled me. Anyhow, come along.

(behind the school)

Ushio: Look, beat-up bullies!

Jonouchi & Honda: Owie.

Yugi: I would have preferred flowers, or maybe some chocolates.

Ushio: Here's your big chance to beat up on them!

Yugi: Why would I want to do that? They were just trying to make me more manly. I consider these idiots my friends!

Ushio: In that case you owe me a bundle of bucks for bodyguard fees.

Yugi: Suppose I don't want to?

Ushio: I could beat up these guys a little more.

Yugi: No, you should beat me up instead.

(Ushio does so.)

Ushio: And you still owe me the money. If not, well, I've got a knife. (leaves)

Yugi: Gee, I sure wish I had mysterious powers so I could take this guy down.

(Kame)

Yugi: I don't have the cash to pay off Ushio, so I'll solve this puzzle before I die. (notices piece is missing) Or not.

Sugoroku: Hey, some mysterious wet kid just left off this puzzle piece for you. And here's the extortion money you need. (leaves) I hope his new career as a superhero goes well.

Yugi: Last piece in, and--

Millenium Puzzle: Shoom!

(school, midnight)

Ushio: Since I'm a rookie criminal, it doesn't occur to me that being called out by my victim in the middle of the night could be a trap.

Yami: My new outfit is stylin'! And I have double the money you asked for. All you have to do is play a game with me.

Ushio: The fact that you're asking for my knife isn't the least bit suspicious. Let's play!

Yami: We'll take turns stabbing a stack of money on top of our hands. Sure beats the hell out of card games.

Ushio: Gee, suddenly this game is harder than I thought. I know, I'll cheat!

Yami: Sucker! Now see my third eye and play the penalty game.

Ushio: Money! Money! I'm rich!

(next morning)

Random Student: Ushio sure looks happy playing in those leaves and garbage.

Ushio: Money!

Yugi: Gee, I don't remember anything after I finished the puzzle last night, but it couldn't possibly have anything to do with Ushio going nuts, or the holes in the extortion money.

Jonouchi: Let's be friends! But in a strictly non-homosexual way.

Yugi: Yay! My wish came true.



TO BE CONTINUED

(Of course, years later, Ushio left the asylum to become a major character in YGO 5Ds.)
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